I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
