I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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