if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
