I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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