We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
