I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
