He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
