You're my little dorito
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
