oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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