Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
