we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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