didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She is in my trunk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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