I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
