I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
