420 ftw
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
