before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
