I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
