Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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