He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Randomize
