New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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