Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
