jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
