If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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