You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
