I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
