I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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