I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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