Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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