dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
