bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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