Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
