If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
