Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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