i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
