Whod you bang
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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