New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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