like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
