Where did you get a picture of my penis
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
