I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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