So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
