The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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