Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
