Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
