I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
