I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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