I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
