grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
