This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
