Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
