The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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