Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
