I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
