what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
