I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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